The thing about war

‘The thing about war,’ said the King, ‘is that it’s terrible, isn’t it?’

‘Not necessarily,’ said the tutor.

‘How so?’ said the King.

‘Well, firstly we must remember the theory of the Just War,’ said the tutor.

‘Oh? What’s that?’ said the King.

‘That’s the theory that it’s just a war,’ said the tutor.

‘I see,’said the King.

‘Then there’s the theory of the Clean War,’ said the tutor, ‘that’s where everything is done cleanly.’

‘Does that ever happen?’ said the King.

‘Oh certainly,’said the tutor, ‘it’s when the war is as clean as can be expected.’

‘And how clean is that?’ said the King.

‘Try not to bother yourself with details,’ said the tutor, ‘it’s very easy to get bogged down with numbers.’

‘So maybe war isn’t as terrible as people make out,’ said the King.

‘Ah, there’s a point you need to understand, here, sir,’ said the tutor, ‘it all depends which war we’re talking about.’

‘Go on,’ said the King.

‘Well, let’s keep it simple,’ said the tutor, ‘The wars we wage are just and clean. The wars that other people wage are, as you say, terrible.’

‘You always make things so clear, don’t you?’ said the King.

‘I try, sir, I try,’ said the tutor.